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One of the most precious gifts that God has given us is
the gift of our children. Like any other valuable
gifts, this gift also has to be cherished, protected and
preserved. I and my wife of nearly 30 years have
been blessed with 4 such gifts and we have tried our
best to raise them as children of faith. In a
society where sometimes secular schools and media
trivialize religion, it is not easy these days for
parents to raise children with a strong faith.
Many of us, even gown ups, sometimes have difficulty in
identifying themselves with their faith, but not my
children.
My eldest daughter who is now married and gave me my
first grandchild, always wore hijab (head cover)
from middle school to college years and never dated.
My eldest son, when he entered high school, noted that
the restrooms for boys had no doors thus no privacy.
He walked straight to the Principal's office and said "I
am a Muslim and I need privacy, therefore, at least one
restroom should have a door. The Principal was so
impressed with his modesty that he ordered doors for
each of the restrooms. My second son, when he was
in Middle School, was in the cafeteria line and bought
some snacks. The cashier gave him more change by
mistake than he deserved. He immediately returned
the extra change to her. The cashier was impressed
and said "you are a good Muslim." My 14 year old
daughter's best friends are not only Muslim, but
Christian and Jewish girls as well. I am
proud of all of my children, as any parent of faith
should be.
Children are like moulds. Whatever falls on them
leaves a permanent impression. Therefore, we
should be careful what falls on them to become that
impression. If we become what we want our children
to become, they may become what we want them to.
The parents who let their children grow without faith
get a "wake up call" when their kids are in trouble in
the teenage years. Sometimes I get phone calls
from parents saying they need a Muslim counsellor, but I
am not a counsellor, I am a physician. Calls
involving such requests as "my daughter is in trouble"
or "we found out my son is on drugs". Such
unfortunate things are happening to all of our children
irrespective of the faith they are born into.
Parents must teach faith by examples they set rather
than lectures of morality they give.
Our children are not perfect but neither are we adults.
There has always been a generation gap and parents have
complained about their children. In 400 B.C.
Socrates wrote "Children now love luxury. They
show disrespect for their elders. They are
monsters and not obedient. Children in the house,
contradict their parents, chatter unnecessarily, gobble
up their food at the table, cross their legs and
terrorize their teachers. However, what could be
considered innocent behaviour by children in school in
the 1940s, such as talking during class, chewing gum,
running in the hallway, wearing improper clothing, not
putting paper in the wastepaper basket etc., has now
been replaced by drug abuse, alcohol abuse, suicide,
pregnancy, rape, robbery, assault, burglary, arson,
carrying guns to school and blowing up fellow students
and teachers. We leave our children in this
society under these circumstances in schools and expect
them grow as children with faith without our help.
We must recognize the pressures that are children are
exposed to. According to statistics available, the
average drinking age starts at age 12. By the
Senior year in high school, 1 out of every 20 students
has been drinking alcohol regularly. Nearly half
of teens who have committed suicide, were intoxicated at
the time. Nearly every teen who has an accident as
a passenger has a teenage driver who was intoxicated
with alcohol. Ninety-three percent of children in
grades 4-5 consider cocaine as a drug but only
twenty-one percent of the same say alcohol is a drug
too. In our society, 2,000 children are physically
abused each day, over 3,000 children run away from home
and around the same number see their parents being
divorced every day. Some 2,000 pre-teen girls
become pregnant every day. A child watching only
2-3 hours per day watches about 9,000 violent scenes and
around 3,500 sexually suggestive scenes every year.
We parents have different set of rules for ourselves and
our children. Why is it that drinking alcohol
after age 21 is O.K. but not before 21? Does the
liver get better after age 21?
We must set examples for our children for the rules that
we want them to follow. A certain woman took her
son to Prophet Mohammad and requested him to tell the
child not to eat too many sweets because she was afraid
sweets would ruin his health and his teeth. The
Prophet asked her to bring him back after one week and
she did. Then he told the child about the dangers
of taking too many sweets and the boy understood and
made a promise not to eat them. The companions of
the Prophet asked after the mother and child left, why
did he wait one week to tell the child. He said " I
wanted to practice giving up sweets myself first".
Now, before we tell our youth to give up TV for a week,
can we first practice the same for ourselves? Many
parents buy their children expensive clothes, shoes,
toys and other gifts. However, the best gift is
the gift of good manners. Prophet Mohammad has
said " a father (or mother) teaching his child good
manners is better than giving a bushel of grain in
charity." We parents have no control with whom our
children socialize in school but we can find a better
social outlet for them after school hours. That is
why it is so important for communities of faith to
organize programs for youth of their own. Muslim
youth of North America, a national organization with a
chapter in every city, now has brought Muslim youth
together, not only to learn about faith but to socialize
with each other in permissible settings to include
camping, debates and sports activities.
It may not be possible in this day in age to get rid of
TV from every home, but we can help children select
programs that are conducive to their growth in faith.
We should watch those programs with them if possible.
In the same context, the internet is a double edged
sword. While it is a tool of learning and
information for our children, sometimes it can give
wrong messages or lure our children with sexually
oriented material. Every family must use
certain parental control on what the children can or can
not watch. One recommendation is to have the
computer in a common place where the child would
hesitate to watch such programs offered by the wrong web
sites. It is not enough just to tell the youth
that they shouldn't do this and that but we must give
reasoning about right and wrong from the faith
prospective. We must teach them the values
from their faith, whether it is Christianity, Judaism or
Islam so that they start thinking why should they behave
differently than those without faith based values.
Faith empowers children with their rights. They
have a right to learn and practice their faith even if
one of their parents is not practicing religion.
They have a right to receive love, care, discipline and
care from their parents but they must give the parents
the same rights as well. Parents have a right to
know about their children and the factors which
influence them. The rights of God are above the
rights of parents and children. God, who created
us, has a right to be worshiped, to be believed in and
to have His injunctions followed. Muslim children
are told in Quran "your Lord has commanded that you
worship no one but Him and be kind to your parents.
If either or both of them reach old age, do not say a
word of contempt nor repulse them but speak to them with
kindness and honour and lower to them your wings of
submission and say "my Lord have mercy on them as they
cared for me when I was an infant" (17:23). If
both parents and children submit to the will of God,
there will be love and peace in the family.
We must teach our children the value of life and hate
for violence. From the very beginning, they should
be taught to respect others who look differently than
themselves. They must also be taught to control
their anger when provoked and to remain calm and cool.
Access to the tools of anger should be discouraged
whether it is guns or any other weapons at the same
level as use of drugs and alcohol. We should help
our children grow in peace and love and in faith, not
only in God also in themselves and their country.
Modified from a Friday sermon given at Al-Fajr Mosque in
Indianapolis.
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